Are you looking for a few funny, unique headstone sayings to include in your next scary project or for decorating the lawn at Halloween? Then check out these real-life and funny gravestone epitaphs. If they don’t make you laugh, they’re certain to make you think twice about leaving the end-of-life planning up to the family comedian. 

Look no further. We collected some of the most laugh-out-loud-worthy epitaphs that’ll bring a smile to anyone’s face. Some are sweet, others are a touch shocking, and they’re all about livening up the mood a little.

A few of the epitaphs below can be attributed to very famous comedians. Others are shared widely in certain circles of humor.

The quote is relatively self-explanatory, but it also adds that perfect deadpan humor for anyone who wants to evoke a laugh-out-loud response from passersby.

Here, you’ll note that the author wanted to convey something a little sweet, a little sentimental, and a little funny by giving Pat her very own place card at the cemetery.

Merv Griffin’s gravestone epitaph isn’t just a reminder of his catchphrase or Hollywood career; it’s also a dig on the finality of things.

It’s that crushing realization that there may have been something behind all the complaining, noises, and facial expressions that, in truth, sharing the household duties would have saved her! 

Let’s hope they don’t have taphophobia! Otherwise, someone should have installed the bell next to the escape hatch and feeding tubes.

Never a more fitting phrase, but hopefully above ground and hiking to some majestic overlook rather than swimming with the fishes.

Here’s a fitting epitaph for Rodney Dangerfield. Not only was Rodney a unique individual with distinctive self-deprecating humor, but he was also the king of insult comedy and loved by many.

Only those with a good sense of humor need to read the epitaphs listed below. Others with rules for headstone etiquette might be disappointed.

Well, it certainly rhymes! And for all of you visualizers out there, I think I speak for us all when I say it may not be the funniest thing to laugh at, let alone write on a gravestone, unless you visualize in cartoon imagery.

Here’s an epitaph from the gravestone of Anna Hopewell in Enosburg Falls, Vermont. 

If you’re going to go by fruiticide, a quick fall from a banana is much better than slow death by strychnine. 

This epitaph was discovered on the tombstone of Jonathon Blake, an accident victim from Uniontown, Pennsylvania.

It’s been said that there’s never a dull moment above ground in Uniontown, PA. 

Skaneateles, New York isn’t your run-of-the-mill escape for city slickers from Syracuse. Oh no. They’ve got loads of reasons to change your last name and remedy epitaphs to suit any joke.

Teague O’Brian from Ballyporeen, Ireland, penned his own epitaph. It’s possible he died before sobering up enough to really make it sing!

Hopefully, Mary Ann Bent has as many friends waiting for her wherever she’s going as those whom she left—apparently missing her excellent sense of humor.

The mister is a tad presumptuous that the missus would want to follow him so quickly into the Truro, Nova Scotia cemetery and afterlife. 

Still, it’s a sweet idea that the two lovebirds will soon remain together for eternity.

Though never enough, the time they gave and the love they showed can carry us all through the darkest crevices of sorrow. So, let’s laugh before we cry some more.

James Herriot is one of the most beloved veterinarians of all time, and, likely, he wouldn’t mind a slight change to the title of one of his books. 

Nor would Mrs. Cecil Frances Alexander, the Irish woman who penned the original poem.

Indeed they are. 

One could assume this epitaph was meant for any long-straw recipient in line at the guillotine, but it’s from a perfect little nursery rhyme. There’s just one alteration at the very end.

Some cats are cuddlers. Some purr like a well-oiled motor. But others? Well, it’s like being just the tiniest bit afraid for your life when you sleep.

In the world of opposites, you love that little ball of no-trouble trouble.

Some roosters may think themselves larks of the morning, songbirds of the sunrise, and deities of dawn’s music. I’m not telling them. Are you?

Sorry if this one ruffles some feathers—because it’s an awful way to go.

Some neighborhoods have cooled on the scary or haunted house scene, but these are benign enough to work in anyone’s front yard without spooking the parents too much.

They all warned her. Never go for a hike in the woods smelling like a meat tray. If only Imma had listened to their words of wisdom, she’d be here today.

Not all family traits are bad—some are just terrible.

Don’t touch it. Don’t even go near the things. And most importantly, don’t ask it any questions. Just because your friends are jumping off a bridge doesn’t mean you have to.

Now that we’ve figured out how to quarantine against various bubonic plagues and whatnot with ease, fellowship, and minimal issue, it’s not as necessary to dig six feet down to bury Barry.

I don’t know if anyone told Yul about the circle of life, but that’s just kind of how it goes. The earth is round, the sun sets rises in the east and sets in the west, and people are born, live life, and then at some point—die.

Before she moved into the neighborhood for a few days before and after Halloween, Dee was a talented and famous musician.

Like you need another hole in your … Well, I guess that would get you one quick.

Berry gives such sage advice to not only make amends before the end of one’s life but also to hide the evidence in a place where they’re not going to look.

Let’s hope not. 

Chris had a tough time growing up the only vegan in town.

There’s nothing wrong with going through life, having to stitch yourself up after bad experiences. 

The problem is when you have a torch-bearing town ready to smear your reputation just because you’re on a dark, snowy quest for the love of a poor, wretched soul like yourself.

Here lie Link and Zelda. 

There’s nothing wrong with being shrewd, heartless, and wholly cruel to people every minute of every day to save a bit of coal. 

Just ask the guy who’s going to regret it eternally. After all, he did get a book deal. 

There’s no way any kid wants to see Stella perform curbside, let alone check to see if she’s still breathing after all these years.

Anita had three brothers, and not one of them ever showed her any compassion or love.

Rustin was no fan of the rain. Oh, he loved thunderstorms. But something about that H2O set off his arthritic knee like nothing else.

No bones about it. They always said that Jack Hovall Trades was the only real friend Manny ever had. The two were thick as thieves and like two peas in a pod everywhere they went. 

Parachute testing is not an easy job. It takes dedication, a thirst for soaring above the competition, and, of course, a buoyant personality. 

It’s just too bad Hugo only had two of the three traits.

If it be thus, then there’s no use sugar-coating the lawn about it.

It’s essential to follow up statements of grandeur with action. Otherwise, you’re just some poor schmuck who gets walked on throughout his afterlife.

No one was less deserving of his fate than Otto. He was the best mechanic with a growing business and one tiny, somewhat inconsequential drive to play chicken.

Not for nothing, but Rick was a rigid perfectionist. 

Let’s just hope that if Al does return, it’s perhaps less decayed or missing that potential vampire credential on his current above-ground business card. 

Otherwise, people should be looking for a few good Haydn places right now.

Whenever the mood hits you right or that great autumnal time of year lures you into the dry ice section, put a few funny headstone sayings into your verbal quiver. Feel free to annoy your friends with them on social media or paint a few gravestones for the lawn when the trick-or-treaters come knocking.